Archive for the 'Noobery' Category

The Cigar Nut

It’s Dark in Here…

Well, here we are folks. Back with the Cigar Noob. And after many trials and tribulations, she finally found her way to the entrance of the Cigaar Bizaar. Finally. Look, there she is now! Whimpering on the ground like a little girl! Aww, they’re so cute when they’re that age, aren’t they? No? You’re right, this is pathetic. Get up, Noob! We have company! Put the fear of darkness aside for the sake of entertainment.

You see, the Noob had made it quite far within the depths of the cave, but with a glance behind her, she realized just how far she had gotten from the light of the outside world. And how dark it was inside the cave. And the dark was scary to a little Noob, wasn’t it? So, after an embarassing bout of crying and cowering and cursing and some other C-words, the Noob picked herself up, wiped the snot from her face, and wobbled forward on weak legs.

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The Cigar Nut

On the road again…

Picking up where we left off in the Cigar Noob’s epic tale, we’ve got ourselves a panting, sweaty lump of Noob running (if you call a knock-kneed limp-along shuffle running) down a twisting path towards the next pit stop in her Road to Pro: The Cigaar Bizaar. With her first cigar smoking experience still fresh in her mind, the woodsy goodness of the Gurkha Symphony still tingling her taste buds, the Noob was getting more and more excited as the minutes passed. Her excitement, however, could not overcome her lack of endurance; she was quickly becoming fatigued and her legs were burning with the heat of exercise (shudder).

The Noob slowed to a stop and bent over (shut it!), her clammy palms pressed against her knees in the classic tired runner pose, sweat dripping from her pallid forehead in a gross little puddle beneath her. So caught up in her exhaustion she was that she did not hear the faint footsteps approaching from the woods lining the dirt path, nor did she realize that the sun was fast setting and the darkness was wrapping itself like a blanket around her.

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The Cigar Nut

The Journey Continues…

When last we heard from the Cigar Noob, she was finally beginning to cut her very first cigar. Yes, after many mishaps, and possibly proof that she may be suffering from mild retardation, the Noob had gotten her hot little hands on a cigar (thanks to the Nut) and was ready to kick her journey off in style. Memory recalls that she had acquired a Jade Series Gurkha…wait, wait…this just in from the Noob…(oh, goodness, you’re kidding, right? No? Noob should be changed to Idiot, I’m not joking) *Cough* Well, lords and ladies, it appears the Noob may have encountered another, shall we say, “pothole” in what is looking like a very long Road to Pro.

When good cigars happen to bad people...for SHAME!

Instead of the previously mentioned Jade Series, due to, ummm, “unforeseeable events”, the Noob is instead cutting into another Gurkha, the Symphony. We promise. This is really happening. Let us pretend that Jade Series was a slip of the tongue (slip of the fingers? (that sounds dirty)) and continue with the story, shall we?

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The Cigar Nut

Once upon a time…

There was a Noob, a Noob on a quest for greatness in all things cigar. She knew that the journey would be long and treacherous, the path confusing and complicated. But the Noob was determined, and she would not be easily swayed from her goal. And so, the Cigar Noob began her epic quest, following the aptly labeled sign that read “Cigar Pro-ness That-a-way”.

http://www.radekaphotography.com/images/winding-road-sunset-L.jpg

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The Cigar Nut

Yes, you are reading that title correctly. That right there is a bonafide reference to Helen Reddy’s “I Am Woman”. You can probably guess why I chose that particular song. That’s right, folks, the Cigar Nut has had a little estrogen injection in the form of me, the Cigar Noob. Intro Time!

My name is Megan, I’m 25, and I live in the St. Louis-Metro area. I work in the financial industry in downtown St. Louis. In my free time, I enjoy killing people…of the virtual variety. I’m an avid gamer; you can find me on my Xbox most nights, sacrificing my online enemies to the Call of Duty gods. I also enjoy the usual suspects: reading, watching TV, long walks on the beach, blah, blah.

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